I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
