i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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