Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had sex on a roof
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
