Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
