Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
