i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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