i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
