The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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