Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
