first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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