I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
