i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I still have a little drunk in my system
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
