would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
