happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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