carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
