If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
