There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
