So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
