dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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