It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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