All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
