sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
