i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
