..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
