I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
