new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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