After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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