we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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