All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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