My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
