No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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