please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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