Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
