I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
