I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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