Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
