I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
