Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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