Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
