Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
how drunk are you?
Several
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
