You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
