We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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