Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize