after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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