I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
