call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
