Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
