her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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