When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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