How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
