Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
