I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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