That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
