And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
