Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
