Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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