How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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