Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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