sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
