I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
