would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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