Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
