So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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