The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
