he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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