it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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