youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
