How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
