I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
