Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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