We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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