Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
