When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
