go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
