just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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