Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
