i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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