Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
