I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
