she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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