I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
